It was an ordinary day, sunny and bright. We were walking to the closest grocery store, because I forgot to tell you we were out of milk. You laughed at me, like you usually do, ruffling my hair and making some side comment about “being a natural blonde”. In truth, I was distracted. See, I had a secret to tell, and I couldn’t wait. But I had to, I made myself, because this secret was the greatest I’d ever had. I wanted to keep it to myself, because I knew I’d never have this feeling again.
As we’re walking down the steep cobblestone steps, I’m in my own world. You’re prattling on about the usual complaint – too many tourists invading our streets, littering in the physical and metaphysical sense. We chose this neighborhood because it was quiet, and convenient The tram made travel to and from work, and bigger areas, very easy. We never wanted for anything, and I still feel we made the right choice.
I suddenly stop walking but you don’t even notice. I’m struck by the conflicting scene before my eyes: the city I love, with strangers milling about, such old yet interesting architecture but covered in random graffiti; the man I love more than anything in the world is so oblivious to it all I have to laugh aloud.
You finally realize I’d stopped, and you turn to look at me, panic in your eyes, then confusion. For me, at that moment, the world stood still. I looked at you and the previous years flew by. The real reason you were so “ok” with this flat I chose. The real reason you started working less hours and got to work from home more often, making it all so much more “convenient”.
The real reason we had a court house wedding instead of a large to-do like I’d always dreamed.
I smile, wide, so hard my cheeks hurt. I couldn’t keep it in any longer.
Honey….I’m cancer free.