Ironically for my very first WordPress post I have chosen Writer’s Block as my title and topic of discussion, instead of defining the title of the blog, ModernIdeals.
Mayhap it is befitting, though, to use a blog post as a way of loosening my creative thoughts and processes.
Life has presented a dilemma for me, you see, where there are certain things I want to do, need to take care of, and yet find myself lacking in funds. My brilliant idea is to finish my book, post it online (thanks to the many self publishing options available these days), and make beaucoup money and move on.
Needless to say I’ve been working on that book for years. And now, as I read part of it to “get my groove back” I realize I hate it. It’s garbage. I have a great idea, and yet while executing it I have butchered it. My main character is supposed to be strong, and she’s not. My supporting characters are supposed to help her, and they are, but it’s boring. I don’t want to be boring. I want to be exciting, write a story that you can’t put down, or can’t wait to pick up.
I would like to think I’m not that bad of a writer, but I find myself, like now, writing like I’m talking to someone. I prefer it that way, knowing (hoping) the person (people?) reading this can understand that I’m genuinely presenting my thoughts and ideas directly to you. But taking that thought and writing process and putting it in to an actual book completely escapes me. I see their world in my head, the characters, the plot, the story line, the beginning and middle and end. I see it playing like a movie, over and over, growing bigger and better every time.
The coherent flowing written words escape me.
Is this Writer’s Block? Or something else entirely? Do I have an underlying streak of laziness and I’m simply not focusing my energy on something long enough to complete it? Or am I too much of a perfectionist to accept something I did might actually be good?
So while all these thoughts are tumbling through my brain, I’m letting words flow as they will, letting my fingers type them as needed to express exactly what I’m trying to get out…
I think my brain just told me to shut up. Figure that out. Next.