Disclaimer: this is a rant and it contains foul language.
A few weeks ago I was having an AWESOME Friday and Saturday. Mid day Saturday I was completely deflated by a conversation that I still believe was unnecessary and was very hurtful. What ensued became almost two months of complete chaos and left a much bigger chunk of debt than I previously had. I was just recovering from that two month period when all of a sudden a similar episode transpired….
I had a wonderful, fulfilling “girl power” filled morning today, handling a few things on my own that I previously, foolishly, tried to get help with. Sometimes you just have to say “fuck it and fuck them, I can do it on my own.” And dammit I did. And then proceeded to have a wonderful rest of the day.
Then while sitting at home, still in a good mood, I get that phone call that does nothing but piss me off. I had a GREAT day and someone felt the need to bring me down.
The bad part…both incidents are directly related to immediate family.
*GASP* I know, right? Big shocker there.
They seem to have a sixth sense to know exactly when to knock me down. Not that I needed any more cosmic help being metaphorically beaten, but what the hell, what’s one or two more things? I’m a big girl, right? I can handle it.
Except I’m really damn tired of handling it, especially handling it alone. I’m really damn tired of people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. I’m really damn tired of people judging me and my situation before they know the real reason why.
I was in a relationship for seven years. Living together for five. Up until a year ago there were two incomes coming in, and while things may have been tight then they are 100% worse now. I have all the same bills but only one income. And dammit I’m trying as hard as I can to do this on my own, but this shit isn’t easy. Not only is it financially difficult, it is emotionally difficult to handle crisis after crises alone.
All I ask for is a moment of peace. A moment of clarity. A moment of…anything that doesn’t involve me having to make a life altering decision in a moments notice.
I’m beginning to think that’s too much to ask.