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I really didn’t want to be alone tonight, but it’s better than the alternative – settling for a one night stand, or some fake jackass who played me to only get some ass.

Which, my date I was so excited about next week?…of course it turns out he already went “there”. I mean DAMN people. I want a relationship, or at least someone who’s good at faking one for a little while!

I, as a woman, am unique in my perspective on sex; I can separate sex from a relationship and be content with that when I want to be. However, it does not mean I like to sleep around just for the hell of it. I have a FWB that I’m perfectly happy with (except for the recent hickey which was funny but still pissed me off, don’t mark property that isn’t yours). What I want is someone I can go out with, actually be seen with, have a real conversation with, and yes, have consistent sex with.

Why is that so hard to find? How is it that so many people do find it? Or are the faking it? Or just settling?

I don’t mean I want to get married tomorrow, it would just be nice to date for real. I get treated as the woman good enough to fuck but not good enough to take to dinner (or at least more than once). That is not good enough for me, nor acceptable. I don’t care how damn attractive you are, or the great qualities you possess, if you can’t treat me like a human being then you’re sleeping alone – or at least not with me.

A side note – I passed my ex and his new gf today, and all I could do was smile and laugh, and think what a dumbass. As Adele’s song goes, “We could have had it all.” The best part – that song came out a few weeks after he left and we were supposedly still “working it out.” I found it highly amusing because it was a top 10 song and therefore played about a million times a day. Serves his ass right. We may not have been perfect, but when shit got rough he couldn’t handle it, and turned to his “grass is greener” woman…only to find out how truly horrible of a person she is. But he appears to like it, so more power to them. I need more than bullshit and drama to make a relationship. I deserve that.

My song for the evening – Hero by Mariah Carey. Not only can I do this on my own, I am doing it. I am my hero, I just need to live up to her.

Next up – Fighter by Christina Aguilera

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