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Sometimes having to be a grownup sucks. But there are perks, such as owning a house. I always have some place to go to essentially be alone. No mom, no roommates, few neighbors. But in order to afford this sanctuary, I have to have a full time job that pays very good money. And to do that I cant be gallivanting around like I have been.
If I were to lose my job I would lose everything in the matter of a month. The job market is so bad here I don’t think I could even get two part time jobs to recover what I make.
All this being said, I feel like I shouldn’t feel guilty for not going out last night. When our plans fell through, the only option would have been for me to drive a two hour round trip. It’s not the driving that bothers me, and only partially the strain on my gas budget – it’s the fact that I wouldn’t have been home until 11 and not in bed until 12, and that’s if I only spent a few hours with him. I have to be up at 5 AM. I’ve had that schedule for years. My body is used to it, the animals are used to it, and if I’m out continuously messing up my schedule I will become an ineffective employee and lose my job. My boss is looking for an excuse to fire me, I kid you not.
So I stayed home last night. Was it the adult thing to do? Yes. Do I still feel guilty for not going to see the guy I like? Yes. I guess in the end it’s up to him now, whether he makes time in his schedule during the weekend for me or doesn’t. He’s already said he has plans one of the days but they aren’t sure yet.
It’s hard to explain all this iver text message. When I see him, if I see him, I’ll explain it all. If he’s the guy I need him to be he’ll understand. If not….