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I know it’s been a long time since I’ve posted here, and some of my past followers have probably moved on. And that’s ok – life goes on.
I’ve endured some pretty hefty self-inflicted changes this year and I’m OH-so-glad I did. I found my self confidence, and it got me a good job.
So, finally, a good job, a great house, a boyfriend, and my animals all survived the move. So why do I feel so defeated? I leave work and it feels like I’m accomplishing nothing. My boyfriend is just irritating, and all I want to do is sleep.
I’m pretty sure it’s called depression, and in wondering why in the hell is this rearing it’s ugly head now? I have everything I’ve wanted for a long time, but now that I’m here I still want more. I expect more. Bigger and better and greater. And every little thing sets me off, especially where my boyfriend is concerned. His incessant whining is bugging the piss out of me, to the point where I just don’t want to talk to him. I am exhausted; why do I want to listen to how much you hate your job for various reasons I’ve heard 500 times. What happened to all the meaningful conversations we used to have? Sure the move and stuff was a big deal, but it’s over. Time to move on.
I think I resent myself because I waited so long to do this, and now I’ve tied myself to someone, at least in the short term. I get a new start, but brought someone with me, someone with baggage who already had habits that irritate me.
I know this is stress and depression talking, I really do. I just need to vent it so I don’t explode. I hope it’s enough.