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Writing right before bed seems to be helping. While I’m still depressed I feel less urgent about it, a little less angry. This is partially why I started blogging in the first place.
Tonight’s topic is my work crush. Today another new girl started, and this time she’s gorgeous AND smart. And without a wedding or engagement ring. Not that that means much these days, but for the single guys at the office it promotes immediate interest. She’s nice, too, did I mention that?
So needless to say the later the day gets the more I obsess over someone I have ABSOLUTELY NO CLAIM TO, and really shouldn’t even be thinking about. The problem is this issue was present for a lot longer than a few months. Being able to see him daily makes it worse, even though he doesn’t look anything like I pictured, nor like my usual type. I keep telling myself I know nothing about him, not really, what if he’s a horrible person? What if he doesn’t like animals (and I have them)? What if, what if, what if…
The only thing keeping me from asking him anything is the fact that I have a boyfriend. Regardless of how unhappy I am, I don’t want to be that person that starts a relationship before the first ended. And yet I fear I will never know the truth – the last time I waited like this it ended up being too late, and now we live across the country from each other, and never had that chance to learn if we really could be good together. 
So what do I do? Tell myself to let go? Actually ask the questions I want to ask? It would be a relief to hear he doesn’t think of me like that at all, because then I don’t have to worry about complications.  I could go on with my plan and let it play out, without fear that I’m making the same mistake all over again.
And I really don’t want to resort to asking other people questions, as much as I want to. I don’t want the gossip, and I want to be respectful of his privacy.
Tomorrow’s another day. We’ll see how it plays out. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

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