How can you live with someone while wanting sometime else? While just wanting to be alone?
What if I don’t really want the other person at all….I just want a scapegoat?
This isn’t “the grass is greener” syndrome, this is me wanting room to breathe.
Anyone out there have a chronic illness? They suck. Days like today, weeks like this week, they are all amounting to a horrible day tomorrow. Sometimes I wish life was different. …as if the pain was gone would my life actually be different. Probably not. Very rarely is the pain a driver, except it prohibits exercise which I desperately need.
And I honestly can’t tell if the depression is making the pain worse or the pain is making the depression worse.
It really is amazing how quickly time passes when you’re not looking. I’ve accepted that I’m just biding my time. Until what I don’t know, but I am. I’m not happy. I don’t know why I thought this change would bring so much more. In reality I traded one set of problems for another. I refuse to believe that is all life is about – moving problems around.
Right now I can’t shake my depression. I haven’t found something that just sparks my interest enough to shake it all up. I started backing away from some of the negative influences, but instead I just feel worse. I’m just so afraid to get close to the people here because I don’t know who is really a true friend.
I can’t give up. I won’t give up. I just wish I could find that happy place again.