I thought I wanted a friends with benefits, but I’m thinking not. I really just want friends, and maybe one day someone will work their way in to a comfortable relationship. But right now? I’m already tired of the game. I think I need to find my happy before I try to insert someone else in to my life.
So I recently fell in to something I shouldn’t have touched with a 10 foot pole. I know that now. I think only minor damage has been done, and I’m back pedaling fast. However, it’s made me realize a few things about myself, things that maybe I wasn’t aware of but my brain has been trying to tell me for years.
I don’t want a traditional relationship.
I have a fear of commitment.
Despite that, I don’t want just a one night stand every night.
I want to find someone like me. Someone who pushes the boundaries of the world and isn’t willing to just settle.
Someone who has baggage but deals with it. We all have baggage, but jesus, figure out how to deal with it. We all have weak moments, and that’s fine, but DEAL WITH IT. Own it.
I want someone who will make me want to be a better person.
I want someone who can stand on their own two feet. They don’t NEED a roommate, or significant other, or family member, to take care of them. They have these people in their life because they WANT to.
Until the time that happens, I am absolutely fine being single.