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I know it’s been awhile. For a little bit I lost my will to care, and spiraled in to a fierce depression. But I’m getting better, slowly. Sometimes we really do just have to take it all in stride and try to make better days.

On the plus side, I’m seeing someone. It’s only been about two months, but I really like him. But I also find myself holding back. The past few relationships I’ve jumped in head first, and severely paid for it. So I’m waffling. We haven’t had a spoken commitment to each other, I think it’s too early, but at the same time I don’t want to date around. Then again, I’m still pretty lonely, and he doesn’t seem to be able to make a lot of spare time. So of course that makes me wonder if he’s dating others. I haven’t had a chance to ask, but I really don’t think that’s it.

Ok, I got off on a tangent. My ultimate question comes down to do I date or not? Going on dates doesn’t necessarily mean you’re sleeping together, and I’ve actually met one of my very best friends through a guy I dated but only ended up as friends. I feel I’m in a world of isolation, the few friends I did have here are moving on, and I’m drowning. My entire support network is gone, and it took me YEARS to build the one I left.

In my heart, I don’t want to date. In my head, it’s the logical choice. Neither head nor heart have made sound relationship decisions in the past, and I really just don’t know where to go from here…

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