I’ve made mistakes in my life regarding relationships. I think we all have. But as an adult every time I open up, take that leap, I am not caught. I fall in to the abyss, slamming in to the ground, wondering what in the he’ll just happened. Again. I am not an emotional person. I don’t talk about my feelings with my partners for fear of something like that happening yet again.
But I keep getting back up. Over and over and over again. But this time? I’m tired. I’m tired of putting myself out there, getting to know someone, having great conversations and making plans and then POOF, they’re gone with no warning and no explanation.
At least this time I’m just sad and not teetering into a depressive hole. I’m frustrated. Do they have no respect for me, my feelings, my time? I have responsibilities. I have things I like to do. So when you waste a day of my time expecting you to show, I’m pretty angry. I usually give the benefit of the doubt, but after a while, after so many times with so many different people, I’m just done. I’m done. I would rather be alone and enjoy time by myself and with friends rather than wait for someone to come along and actually want to be with me…someone I actually want to be with.